they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
