We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
