Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
