I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
