I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
