put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
tell me about the fingering
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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