i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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