I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
