my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
