also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
