dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
