Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
