I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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