I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
