Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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