idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
