i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
soo... how was my night?
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