so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
