just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
