He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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