I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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