Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
