alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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