I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
