You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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