Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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