I'm going to jail i love you
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
