I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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