My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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