so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
