She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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