Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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