I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
