??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
