I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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