He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
