what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
