You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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