If i come over, it means nothing
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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