New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
