The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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