UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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