So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
