I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
