Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
