I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
