woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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