My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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