I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
