I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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