She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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