we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What changed your mind?
Being sober
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
