I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
