I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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