She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize