If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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