Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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