Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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