The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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