Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
