Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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