Will you blow on my dice?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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