just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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