at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
