yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
