coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
