i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
