Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
