Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
