He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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