Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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