he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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